


Everybody Finds Love

by premeditated



Category: Kakumeiki Valvrave | Valvrave the Liberator
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, M/M, again kind of, dubcon, kind of?, tagging it to be safe tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 10:14:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2769290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/premeditated/pseuds/premeditated
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But if I'm using you and you're using me then it's okay, isn't it? We'll be okay, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everybody Finds Love

**Author's Note:**

> **inspired by carolina liar's "coming to terms."
> 
> maybe one day i'll write fluffy au harueru lmao. dubcon warning is just to be safe like i said in the tags because rune-possessed haruto is pretty scary but i mean. idk make of it what you will after reading the first scene.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this totally 100% canon-compliant angst-fest!!

“I…don’t think I can do this.”

L-elf looked up sharply. “It was your idea.”

“I know, but—”

“It’s _our_ burden now,” he said flatly, his tone almost clinical. “You have to hurt someone eventually.”

Haruto winced, stared at the floor. “That’s wrong,” he said softly.

“It’s reality.” L-elf tugged at his collar, exposing the soft skin of his neck. “And it’s my decision, anyway. I’m choosing this.”

Haruto’s breath was audible, shaky, but he looked up now. His hand reached out, then faltered. “Will you remember that? What you just said?”

L-elf blinked. He was suddenly aware of how empty his hand was at his side, consumed by the desire to find something that would fill every curve and gap and contour. He didn’t move. “I’m choosing this.”

“Okay.” Haruto’s shoulders sagged, and his hands balled into fists. “Okay.”

He leaned in, awkwardly positioning himself so that his mouth hovered over L-elf’s shoulder. He sucked in a breath, and L-elf looked away.

* * *

That first time, they didn’t make it to the bed. Haruto was gone in a flash, and L-elf found himself shoved against a wall.

The pain that blossomed in his neck slowly licked at his chest and stomach and shoulders like flames as Haruto’s lips devoured every inch of him that they could reach. His whole body burned, and as his clothes were ripped away, his eyes squeezed shut.

He choked out a gasp that made his throat ache when Haruto grinded against him through the thin fabric of both of their boxers. Haruto’s hands were everywhere, all at once, clawing at L-elf’s back, trailing down his sides, gripping his thighs, until his skin was no longer his own and his stomach was in knots. He longed to take a breath that wasn’t hot and sticky with sweat, that hadn’t come from Haruto’s lungs.

Desire was building between his legs, and his throat was closing up. He couldn’t look at Haruto’s face, could hardly even watch his shoulders heaving up and down with each heavy breath, but he couldn’t stop his body from reacting to his touch. It was sickening, he thought, how he arched toward his hands and buried his fingers in his hair. His eyes stung.

He let out a groan when Haruto finally pulled off his boxers and grabbed hold of his cock. After a few devastating strokes, he was biting his lip to hold back more, but then nails were digging into his hips and he was being flipped around and shoved roughly until the cold smoothness of the wall pressed against his cheek and bare chest. He gasped and tried not to notice the way he could feel Haruto’s heartbeat where the other boy’s chest was pressed against his back.

Then two of Haruto’s spit-slicked fingers were inside him, pumping and scissoring quickly, then three, and he lost himself to a flurry of unintelligible hisses and gasps as he felt the cruel sting of being worked open. His neglected erection throbbed painfully and a desperate wave of heat passed over him, but he didn’t dare try to do anything about it. This was not about him.

Haruto’s fingers were eventually removed, but that did nothing to ease the mounting discomfort. He took a deep breath, thighs already trembling slightly, and steeled himself as he felt the tip of Haruto’s cock lining up with his entrance.

When Haruto finally thrust into him, he just barely had time to register that he’d used spit in place of lube before a scream was tearing at his throat. He was being ripped in half, the burn immediately bringing tears to his eyes as Haruto fucked him open with an almost carnal urgency. The other boy’s teeth had once again latched themselves to the juncture of his neck and shoulder but he hardly even felt the sting as he was pounded into relentlessly.

It hurt, it hurt so much, but that wasn’t even the worst part—it was also starting to feel _good_. The pain didn’t ebb in the slightest, but as he pushed back against the wall Haruto’s angle shifted little by little until he had found that one special bundle of nerves that made L-elf’s knees start to shake as the warm sensation of pleasure unfurled somewhere deep in the middle of everything, altogether too slow and calm for his desperate gasps and sweaty skin. His stomach churned as the good melded with the bad, roiling and meshing together in a confusing, undefinable mess until all he could do was stutter out a sob. But still his hips were bucking and his desire was exploding with an urgency so strong that his moan came out as more of a whimper. He melted under Haruto’s touch, quivering and gasping and begging for release, but his pleas went unacknowledged. His hands were held to his hips by Haruto’s. He couldn’t even squirm.

Haruto’s pants and gasps filled his ears and his hot breath tickled the back of his neck as his rhythm grew faster and rougher. The combination of pain and lust and denial just about overwhelmed him, but it was only enough to leave him teetering on the edge. By the time Haruto came, thrusting desperately with his hips in a violent and unconstrained frenzy, L-elf’s vision was swimming and the ache in his cock almost rivaled the one radiating out from the base of his spine. He wasn’t sure he could tell which one was supposed to feel good anymore.

As soon as the savageness had all left Haruto’s body, he slipped into unconsciousness and collapsed against the wall. L-elf was left with his tightly-coiled desire just on the verge of bursting, and groaning, his hands and cheeks burning, he brought himself to a climax.

When it was over and he slumped down next to Haruto in a heap of shot nerves and sore limbs, his whole body tingling with a foreign energy and his hair sticking to his forehead, he took a deep breath of stifling air and whispered to himself that the screams he’d been biting back as he came hadn’t contained Haruto’s name. But the words were still on his lips, and they tasted as sweet as sugar.

He didn’t look at Haruto as he started to get dressed, but if he had, he would have seen a face so peaceful that it seemed nothing short of divine glowing in the moonlight.

* * *

They got better at planning as time went on. They made sure they were sitting on the bed when it happened, that the door was locked and the curtains drawn. It slowly became familiar although never any easier, but always, always they paused beforehand in a hushed moment of uncertainty. The air would stop between them and hang there, suffocating. L-elf would offer himself, and Haruto would hesitate no matter how many times they’d done it before until he had to grab him by the shoulders and say yes, he was ready, he was willing, don’t you have lives you want to save?

And Haruto would watch his hands for a few more seconds then look up and nod, his face set. L-elf would never forget that face. It showed up in his dreams, sometimes, the ones where he was holding the sky on his shoulders until every bone in his body snapped.

It made him wonder what it looked like afterwards, if his lips would tremble or his eyes would flood or if he would just stare at the ceiling. But L-elf didn’t find out, because he always rolled out of the bed when it was over and climbed into his own bunk, tucked his hands between his pillow and his cheek and traced the curve of the moon with his eyes.

He heard it, though, heard it every single time without fail: the quiet rustling of the sheets, the ragged breathing, the sniffles and hiccoughs that made his own throat constrict as though he were the one holding in the sobs. The heat in the room weighed down on him then, settled over his body and dug into his skin to draw out his pulse until it was thudding in his ears. He curled into a ball and imagined that below him, Haruto was doing the same.

* * *

This ritual only changed once.

It was one of those rare times when Haruto didn’t immediately fall unconscious. He lay on his side and brought the sheets up to his chin, facing L-elf but leaving a few conspicuous inches between them. His face, tilted down, was obscured by shadow.

L-elf was more aware of the negative space than he was of the area occupied by his own body. He wanted nothing to do with it. His thighs and stomach and chest burned where the sheets touched them, where frantic hands had gripped him moments before, and he felt bile rising in his throat. The pain between his legs flared, and he winced, beginning to climb out of the bed.

But then he felt a feeble hand tugging at his fingers. He turned back sharply, and all the breath left his body.

Haruto’s eyes, his gorgeous blue eyes that were meant to glow like a boundless summer sky, were dimmed by tears. He was drawn in on himself, small and broken, and when he spoke, his voice cracked.

“I…”

L-elf didn’t move. Haruto gulped, tried again. “I can’t…Will you stay?”

L-elf hesitated, and Haruto’s grip loosened almost imperceptibly. His heart leapt into his throat. Then he moved quickly, lying back down and leaning forward to catch Haruto’s lips in a slow, soft kiss before he could stop himself.

Haruto froze, but L-elf settled into a gentle rhythm. He was going to draw that look from his face no matter what it took, pull all the bitterness and suffering from his skin no matter what it took. He was never going to see that face again.

“Is this what you need?” he whispered into the hushed silence. His lips skimmed just over Haruto’s skin, covering his face with light butterfly kisses. He paused, caught Haruto’s gaze and held it, presented himself before it. “Am I what you need?”

Haruto let out a sob and dropped his forehead to rest against L-elf’s. His cheeks sparkled silver in the moonlight, his lips flushed pink, and his whole face contorted as he let himself cry. His body shook, and after a moment L-elf pulled him close and held him to his chest.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out, “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—I—I’m not—”

L-elf cupped his cheeks with both hands. They were cold and smooth and wet, and as more tears fell over his fingers they began to grow warm anew. His thumbs traced the curve of his lips, even when he flinched away, and their noses brushed together.

“No you aren’t,” he whispered, gazing steadily even as Haruto’s eyes stayed stubbornly closed. He would wait. “You can’t be. Do you hear me? You can’t be.”

Haruto’s sobs were violent, bitter, consuming, but L-elf held onto him for every hour-long second. He whispered truths into his damp hair the whole time, the beautiful kind that sprang from his lips with a rhythm like the ocean crashing against the land, again and again, beyond the significance of time, until the shore was smooth and kind and gentle once more. He talked until his voice went hoarse, but his words only sounded more gorgeous.

Haruto’s tears mingled with the sweat on L-elf’s chest, but he was smiling now. His blue eyes caught the sun as he looked up, and L-elf’s breath caught in his throat.

They didn’t say anything for a long while. He didn’t plan to break the silence at all, in fact, but suddenly the words were pouring from his lips before he could stop them.

“I chose this, too, you know.” His hand slipped into Haruto’s so that their fingers laced together. His heart pounded against his ribcage, and he hoped that Haruto could hear it.

The younger boy blinked, lying frozen for a moment. Then something flickered behind his eyes, and his smile widened and his toes curled and his eyes fluttered closed. “Mmhm. And we aren’t hurting anybody.”

L-elf looked down at the bright-eyed boy who had just been crying himself to sleep and couldn’t help but think that maybe that wasn’t so true. But tears were spilling out of the corners of his own eyes now, too, so all he said was, “Not anymore."


End file.
